Coping with Anxiety by Improving Self Esteem

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A healthy self-esteem, or regard for oneself, is vital for overcoming and coping with anxiety. Acceptance of yourself gives you the freedom to make mistakes -- you don't have to try to appear perfect to others if you're already OK with yourself. Imagine what this can do for social anxiety... Would you worry about saying something stupid or embarrassing yourself if didn't matter to you what others thought? Would you fear rejection if you where already so supportive and loving of yourself that no one else's negative criticism could affect you?

Imagine if no one's judgment could emotionally touch you because your sense of self-worth were already so rock solid. You'd be able relax around others and just be yourself... You'd be able to freely tell people what you feel, let them know who you are, and start making real connections. When you're OK with what's inside you, you don't try to hide it from others. It's easier to act yourself and feel authentic. It's for all these reasons that improving self-esteem is a major key to coping with anxiety.

So how can we cultivate that unsinkable self-esteem? The key once again is to improve your communication with yourself. Consider the manner in which you would hope that your best, most supportive, encouraging, and trustworthy friend would communicate with you - and then adopt this manner of communication for speaking to yourself. Instead of relying on others for your emotional support and seeking them out when things are bad, imagine what type of emotional energy and words you would wish to receive from them, turn your attention inward, and give it to yourself.

If we depend on supportive messages from other people for our self-esteem, then the opposite - criticism or negativity towards us - will logically eat away at self esteem. But the truth is that those who judge, mistreat, or otherwise act negatively toward us are probably just acting from their own insecurities, which usually has nothing to do with us. The mere fact that the person is acting out of ill-will is evidence that they are of an unenlightened mentality that you wouldn't want to base your sense of self-worth on. So in order to free yourself from the daily barrage of uncontrollable external messages that can destroy self-image like this, start building your foundation of self-esteem from the inside. Stop looking outside yourself for approval, and communicate your own thoughts of self acceptance to your inner being.

Also, know that loving yourself is the key to real contentment, as well as the foundation for stable relationships and friendships. You must have love for yourself in order to have extra love to give to others. Moreover, you'll be more likely to accept love from others when you already believe yourself worthy of it.

Before moving into the self-esteem affirmations, I'd like to introduce a second and extremely powerful method of instilling new thought patterns -- by speaking your thoughts inwardly to your self in the 2nd person. For example, instead of saying "I am a confident person", you'd say, "James, you are a confident person" (replace with your name). Just close your eyes, direct your awareness toward your inner being, and speak to yourself. In effect, it's like you're speaking from the center of your consciousness into your mind, body, and all the energies that make up your being. In a way, it's as if an objective third party is making the statements about you - often, an outside and objective statement is the one that our subconscious finds most believable, and speaking inwardly to yourself is an excellent way to simulate this effect. It was outside influences that inspired many of your subconscious perceptions in the first place, and this method of speaking to yourself is essentially replacing uncontrollable outside voices with your own more enlightened one. Furthermore, the focus on your inner being leaves little room for intellectual distraction, and makes for a more direct impact on your subconscious mind.

Simply modify your thought phrases by replacing the word "I" in each with the words "Self, you are", where "Self" is your name.. Say "Self, you are a confident person now", or whatever your thought phrase may be.

The following exercise should give you a good idea of the type of self dialoging you can engage in to take charge of your own self-esteem.

This next segment should not be performed while driving or operating machinery. You should be in a seated position, in an area free from distractions. If that's not possible right now, please skip to the next section and return to this one later.

Close your eyes now and turn your awareness inward. Relax and be aware of the overall energy in your body. Repeat the following phrases, speaking from the center of consciousness in your head down into your entire body and being. Replace the word Self with your name.

• Self, I love you. I accept you unconditionally as you are
• Self, I love the person you are choosing to become.

Be sure to speak the phrases to yourself with a genuine and absolute sincerity - a feeling that you really mean it:

• Self, I am ok with the person you are.
• Self, I consider spending time with you and knowing you a high priority
• Self, my most important relationship is with you.
• Self, I think positively when I am with you. I now enjoy spending time with you.
• Self, you are my best friend, I am your best friend
• Self, I support you and stand by you no matter what, through everything.
• Self, I will always be with you as you move through any fear.
• Self, you can now ignore outer criticism. That I love you is what matters most.
• Self, if someone insults or doesn't like you, this is their problem.
• Self, I am committed to giving you supportive and encouraging thoughts at all times.
• Self, you can achieve your goals, you can do it.
• Self, I compliment you and congratulate you often.
• Self, you are doing a great job. I am proud of you. I congratulate you for the progress you have made
• Self, you are my comforter, I am your comforter
• Self, you are the one I run to, I am the one you run to
• Self, there are so many good things about you. You are special.
• Self, I appreciate the humanness within you. I appreciate your imperfections.
• Self, it is okay when you make mistakes. You move on.
• Self, you deserve good things. You deserve success.
• Self, I stand up for you. I look out for you. You and I are a team.
• Self, I love you no matter what.

While your attention is still focused inwardly, take a moment and just feel your inner energies... Now, instead of speaking, try to project the energy of love to yourself... Feel the energy of complete acceptance, appreciation, admiration and other components of love, and mentally project that inwardly to yourself. Try this now for a couple minutes... If it helps, you can silently speak the words, "self, I love you and appreciate you" as you project the energy of love into your body.. Feel these energies flowing now for a couple more minutes.

A frequent weak link in self-esteem is physical appearance. Negativity about your looks can create self doubts and nervousness that leads to social anxiety. However, you'll find it easier to act confidently around others if you at least feel OK about your looks. While beauty is relative, self-confidence about your looks makes you more attractive no matter what. Therefore, if you suffer from a poor self-image, it just makes sense to change your self-perception. It may feel awkward at first, but all you need to do to get started is to expand your appreciation of the physical traits that you do like about yourself. Turn your awareness inward and tell yourself what it is you like about your appearance. For every other part of your body, tell yourself that you are OK with it, that you appreciate its uniqueness, that it is special because it is yours... With time, expand upon that and project a feeling that you are beautiful throughout, everything about yourself, knowing that there is true beauty even in what you currently mis-perceive as imperfection.

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