Social Anxiety and Public Speaking Anxiety

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NOTE: The following description uses public speaking anxiety as an example, but the concept can be applied to any situation-specific anxiety.

If your experience of anxiety is anything like mine was, your daily life is probably riddled with situations that you loathe because of the unpleasant feelings they cause. You will find Self Therapy listening to be an immensely valuable tool for keeping your emotional balance as you face such events.

For example, there was a time when was quite literally petrified of speaking in front of groups. I say petrified because when I would talk in front of people, the anxiety would be so great that a lump in my throat would virtually prevent me from speaking. I would blush like a tomato and mentally freeze so that I couldn't even think of what I had to say. This reaction alone made the whole experience a hundred times worse.

After learning the self-listening technique, I started to apply it to my fear of public speaking. If I knew in advance that I would be giving a presentation, I would start by performing the variation of Self Therapy that we just discussed in the last section, applying it to the upcoming event. I'd visualize myself in the future situation, and just be with the energies that arose.

More importantly, as the time to speak approached, even minutes before, I would continue actively listening to my energies as I got ready. Finally, even while speaking I would keep some mental awareness on the anxiety and fear energies swelling up inside me. Whereas previously I would have tried to suppress those energies while speaking, which usually resulted in complete disaster, I could now let all those reactions flow into and through me. Even if I thought my heart was going to explode, I could just feel it and continue acting calm on the outside. What would have previously become bottled up energy overload was now a manageable reaction. As I became more confident in my ability to handle any sensation, the fear that was causing the reaction in the first place eventually dissipated, along with my fear of speaking.

It may be difficult at first to concentrate awareness inwardly when involved in an activity like speaking or interacting, but you will find that, with practice, maintaining an inner awareness while outwardly interacting is possible, and very beneficial. Obviously you won't be able to have the full-fledged inner dialog with your feelings, but an accepting awareness is the key component in managing such situations.

The example of public speaking did allow for some mental preparation, but you can also apply Self Therapy to unanticipated situations as they occur. Just keep a portion of your mental awareness on your inner sensations, observe them, and accept their presence. You might even try intentionally putting yourself into situations that cause anxiety, just to practice listening to the sensations. Life is full of events that make us feel one way or another. Increasing your ability to tolerate such situations, and your inner reactions, is an amazing step forward in becoming the person of your full potential. If you can handle anything in your inner world, you can handle anything in your outer world.

This brings me to one more topic I'd like to cover before leaving this section.

We've primarily discussed Self Therapy listening as applied to anxiety. However, learning to experience other emotions without avoidance is also important. For example, think of how common it is for people to avoid loving someone fully because they are afraid of re-experiencing the sensation of loss, betrayal, rejection, or some other feeling that they had in the past. It's not fear of loss -- it's fear of the FEELING of the loss. Embarrassment, anger, sadness, loneliness, and so many others as well... No one usually wants to experience these things, but they are sensations that make us human. The degree to which we've insulated ourselves from feelings we've grown to fear, grasping for comfort and security, is also a measure of how much we're limiting our lives. So regardless of what situations or sensations come along, take the opportunity to grow from them. Be with those feelings, and work on observing their energy with acceptance rather than avoidance.

Happiness, sadness, peace, suffering, love, loneliness... These things will come and go. Real joy, and real inner strength, are found in being able to feel each moment and being OK with yourself in it.

NEXT PAGE: Moving toward anxiety relief