The Social Anxiety and Shyness Solution

Home | Previous Page

Good friendships and loving relationships can be one of life's most rewarding experiences. However, the quality of such external relationships is in large part a reflection of the quality of your relationship with yourself. The last two lessons provided an excellent foundation to start working on your internal communication. Putting your relationship with yourself first does not mean being selfish. When you first resolve your own emotional issues and become less consumed by your own inner suffering, you will be more able to give to others. Step #1 in improving your life and your world is improving yourself. Like a drop of water on a still lake, the effect of your efforts to improve your inner relations will ripple out to external relationships. By making your inner needs priority, you will have the greatest positive impact on everyone around you. Likewise, once you've created a healthy relationship with your inner self, you are then in the best position to start connecting with others in a healthy manner.

As a final step in attaining social confidence, the following affirmations will address some common sources of social anxiety, nervousness and shyness, which are so often nothing more than symptoms resulting from negative expectation about social interaction. REPEAT THE PHRASES WITH FULL EMOTION, KNOWING THEY ARE TRUE FOR YOU NOW:

• I am OK with myself and this makes me a comfortable person to be with.
• Because I am secure with myself, my presence makes others feel secure.
• Because I am able to handle my anxiety, I am able to focus my attention on others rather than myself. This makes me a more likeable person.
• I know that not everyone will like the person I am, and this is OK with me.
• If someone does not like me or is not comfortable with me, this is their problem.
• I can only be the person that I love, and let others love me if they choose.
• I do not try to make my interactions with others perfect. I enjoy imperfection.
• I appreciate my humanness. I do not try to be perfect.
• Anyone who disapproves of or judges me is of no importance to me.
• I have no fear of judgment or rejection, because I am ok with myself.
• I am willing to feel nervousness, rejection, and embarrassment. I go through it.
• I take the risk of rejection that getting to know people requires.
• I take chances in order to find the relationships I desire.

A good method to accelerate your absorption of new thought patterns is "ACTING", meaning behaving in the manner congruent with your ideals, even if such behavior feels artificial or unnatural at first. This is especially useful in social situations. While this appears to be more of a physical activity than a mental one, by acting the role of the person you want to be, you are creating an extremely powerful impression on your subconscious mind that can quickly become the basis of your thoughts about yourself. For example, even if you're not feeling all that confident, simply ACT like you really are confident -- stand tall, speak in a calm voice, make eye contact, be controlled in your movements, etc. You will be amazed at the results. By simply acting confident - even if you don't feel it initially - you are cultivating an energy and image within you that changes your image of yourself. Not feeling social? - ACT social. Not feeling energetic? - ACT energetic. Not feeling competent? - ACT competent. You will become it. "Acting" is not the same as being phony. Phoniness involves insincerity. What I'm talking about here is "Acting" as though you are already the person that you really want and choose to be. It's an amazingly powerful method of redefining yourself. And it doesn't take long for the new improved behaviors to become second nature.

NEXT PAGE: About Anxiety and Health