"Nonverbal congruity" pertains to the way you communicate with body language, and how that communication impacts your inner states. You'll find that by controlling your body language, and by making your physiology congruent with the message you want to communicate, you can actually cultivate the inner feelings that your body language implies. For example, just acting confident can actually create a feeling of confidence in you.
For example, consider a person who walks into an unfamiliar social situation. If that person speaks in a comfortable tone of voice, tends toward a controlled expression, stands tall, makes eye contact, they are going to appear more confident to the observers no matter what they say. And guess what - just by acting in that manner, they will also feel more confident. While it's great to start with confidence on the inside, you won't always have that, and it helps to know that instead projecting the appearance can really help mold any inner state.
For whatever behavioral or emotional change you seek, just ACT as though you have already achieved it. In other words, fake it - or as some say "fake it until you make it". Regardless of what emotion you have on the inside, or behavioral habits you are accustomed to, just ACT as though you are the new person you want to be now. Within a relatively short period, this physical process will create a powerful imprint on your subconscious mind that you are already that way. Acting has a tremendous power to override the tendency to behave from subconscious habit, and literally transforms whatever energies are inside you into ones matching the act.
Do you want to be a more sincere person? Start by simply ACTING like a more sincere person. Do you want to be a more positive person? Just ACT more positive. To appear more competent, ACT more competent. To be a warmer, more loving person, ACT like a warmer, more loving person. Acting is the first step toward being. If you're not comfortable with that word "acting", maybe because it implies somehow being phony, then see this technique as choosing to be the real you, regardless of the little remaining internal inconsistencies. You are behaving in congruence with the person that you have chosen to be, and demonstrating faith that you have become that person already. You don't have to be what your environment and random experiences have molded you into. You can now be the person you have chosen to be. There couldn't be anything less phony, or MORE genuine.
There are many ways that you can put this knowledge to use. For our purposes here, it's an excellent tool to start turbo-charging your social confidence. Try it out for yourself. Next time you're feeling socially nervous, awkward, or insecure, let those inner sensations be where they are (using the technique from the audio program), and just act calm and composed on the outside. Maybe assume a more serious and controlled facial expression, stand up straight and tall, adjust your tone of voice to one of comfort and confidence. No matter how you feel on the inside, just behave confidently on the outside. And you will become it.
To help absorb this practical knowledge, repeat the following phrases out loud - or create your own. If you can safely do so, also see yourself in your mind's eye behaving in the manner described.
• I am a confident person. Even if I don't feel confident, I act confident.
• By acting confident, feelings of confidence are cultivated within me.
• I behave confidently and know I can handle fear, nervousness, or any
negative outcome.
• Even if I don't feel totally confident, I act confident and go through
my fears.
• In the face of fear, I act strong no matter how I feel.
• I choose to act strong. I handle situations with inner strength and
courage.
• I now act more serious and controlled, keeping my behaviors congruent
with my objectives.
• I sit and stand tall. My good posture projects a confident appearance.
• I speak in a comfortable, controlled, sincere tone of voice.
• I speak audibly and clearly. I avoid mumbling which projects insecurity.
• Over-smiling projects insecurity and creates inner weakness, so I avoid
it.
• I maintain a confident voice, upright posture, and good eye contact.
• I now put forward the best of who I am while interacting, even if it
feels like an act.
• Initially, it is OK if some of my new high quality interactions feel
like I am acting.
• My more effective behaviors will soon become second nature.
• I can redefine myself.
